In this post I dive into the physical and mental effects this stomach disorder can have. Please read my previous post on ways you can help yourself deal with it.
Gastroparesis can affect people in different ways, but one thing that is certain is that it affects us both physically and mentally. No matter how severe your gp may be, anyone who has it ends up having to make lifestyle changes that can be hard to deal with.
Please note that the physical and mental effects can be different for some, as we are all different in general, and the severity of this illness changes.
Physical effects:
I started out with severe stomach pain, which led to being full after eating one bite of food. This made me lose almost 30 pounds in a short amount of time. That much weight loss takes a toll on your body. I felt gross, my bones were very noticeable, and I had absolutely no energy. Some people lose more weight, some lose less, and some may actually gain weight. Regardless, it affects the way you look and feel. At first many people enjoy the fact that they are losing weight, but it quickly fades when they realize how much they've lost and how it has affected their energy.
The extremely low energy I had came from losing weight, but also from a lack of nutrients. With gastroparesis, your body is not absorbing the nutrients it needs which makes it hard to maintain your weight in the first place, as well as have energy. Food is energy, so when you can't have food, you have no energy. One thing that is certain, is that everybody with gp struggles with food.
Some other physical effects/symptoms of gp include throwing up, being nauseous, body aches, and bowel troubles. Many people also need a TPN/feeding tube, or even surgery. I know many people who are tube-fed because they are losing too much weight. This of course affects them physically every day.
Mental effects:
No one likes to be sick, to be in constant pain, to not eat, to throw up, to be nauseous, etc. Having to go through that every day is exhausting. I cried a lot; I wanted to give up. I remember being on the phone with my parents one night crying because I felt like I was actually going to die in my sleep. Many nights I would wake up so nauseous that it was unbearable. Going through that each day and especially still having to go to work and/or school or any daily activity is honestly the worst.
Gastroparesis also caused me to develop a lot of anxiety, and I still struggle with it now. I became incredibly anxious no matter what I did. Going to work and school felt like complete torture. I was in pain, I couldn't sit still. I felt like I was dying sitting in class one day so I walked out and only went back for the final exam. I couldn't bear to sit through a two hour class. Going to work became a nightmare, and by the end of summer I quit my job. Luckily I ended up finding a perfect replacement that is less stressful and has a better schedule, but I still struggle sometimes.
Gastroparesis can also make you feel depressed. It's hard to be the different one, to not be able to do something because you feel so sick, to call out from work often because you have no energy and are really nauseous. I hated the fact that I couldn't take a walk around the block without stopping in pain. I spent all summer either inside my apartment or at work. I couldn't travel, or go shopping. I had to save all my energy so when I did go to work I felt at least a little bit normal. But this wasn't normal. How I was feeling was not how a 20-year-old should feel. Once I understood that, I started to realize that I needed to take charge of my own health, because the doctors weren't doing it for me. I wanted to feel better; not just physically, but mentally as well.
Most of the time people don't have a clue what you're going through. Even the doctors don't really understand. There are gastroparesis support groups online where I have listened to many people talk about their families and how they just don't understand what's going on with them. It's hard when you have to explain over and over why you can't eat something, or why you're only eating a little bit of food. It also takes a toll on you when you constantly have to ensure that your health is okay before going to a barbeque, a friends house, out to a restaurant, or even work/school. It's hard when your parents or employer do not understand why you feel sick constantly. What I did was just remind them over and over. I researched a lot so I could understand the disorder better, so that when someone did have a question I knew exactly what to say.
Luckily, I also had a great support system, though that's not all I relied on. Please see my previous post on how to help yourself manage gastroparesis. One thing I will say is that you have to have the right mindset. You have to WANT to help yourself get better. When I was at my worst, I had to ask myself a few questions, and I suggest you do the same:
- Do you want to be sick and miserable forever?
- Why haven't you researched about your illness more?
- Have you tried alternative medicine? (acupuncture, meditation, therapy, hypnosis, etc.)
- Have you used all of your health resources? (switching doctors, seeing specialists, etc.)
- What are some changes you can make right now?
By asking yourself these questions, it makes you think about your current situation, what you're doing to help yourself, and how you can do better. I know we all struggle with our health, everyone does/will at some point in their life. Some days I am still not sure whether the physical effects are worse, or the mental effects. One thing I do know is that by being able to understand the physical and mental effects you are facing, and by taking charge of your health, you will make yourself feel at least 90% better.
Please feel free to comment anything you'd like to share.
-Loreal
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